I never thought that divorce would be a part of my story. And to be honest with you, I never really understood people who divorced until...I was faced with the "D" word myself. I guess I used to think that those who divorced just "gave up"...that they made a decision to walk away, it was too hard so they were "out"...quitting...abandoning the marriage.
This post is not about whether it's okay to divorce or not. We all have different journeys, different stories, different personalities involved. The truth still remains that marriage is hard and it takes two willing people to make it work.
My counsel to those struggling in marriage is always...put one-hundred and ten percent into making it work. Do what you have to do to restore the marriage. But again, it takes two working together to restore and repair whatever is broken in the relationship.
This post is not to justify divorce but to encourage those who have found themselves stamped with the big "D" to live healthy lives on the other side.
Here are 4 ways to help you lead a healthy life after divorce:
1. Become Better Not Bitter - Bitterness will only cause more hurt and pain and ultimately, health issues. Use your circumstance to better yourself. Start working on “you.” Work out, eat healthy, get good sleep, start a new hobby, grab a cup of coffee and read a book, go on a weekend get-away… see this as an opportunity to change for the better. Let go of the anger and resentment and feelings of being wronged. The Mayo Clinic has found that letting go of grudges and bitterness can lead to:
Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
Less anxiety, stress and hostility
Lower blood pressure
Fewer symptoms of depression
Stronger immune system
Improved heart health
Higher self esteem
2. Meditate and Reflect - Divorce is stressful and mentally draining. Your mind can go 90 mph if you let it. You need intervals of time to sit and meditate and allow God to help you make sense of the divorce and use it for good. Divorce is like a death. You need to be able to grieve the death of the marriage…a death of a dream. Let’s admit it. No one sets out to get divorced. On the wedding day there are dreams of building your life together forever not visions of sitting in front of a judge splitting everything you both worked so hard to create and working out a parenting plan.
3. Surround Yourself with Encouraging People - Be choosy with your friends during this time. You are very vulnerable. You need a community of friends in your life who are grounded and will point you to truth when you are tempted to believe lies. Sometimes this might mean seeing a counselor for a period of time or joining a support group like DivorceCare to help you process everything that has happened. We need people who are committed to walking through the journey with us and praying for us. These same people will be your rock. When you can’t go on anymore, they will step in and carry the load with unconditional love, sweetly reflecting the love of Christ. We were created for community. We need others in our life. Be careful who you choose!
4. Realize Divorce is Not the End of the Story: You are not disqualified from the race because your marriage ended in divorce. The truth is...you are the most qualified if you will only allow God to transform you in the process and use you. The very thing you are allowing to make you bitter, God wants to use for His good and His glory! He has something so amazing in store for you on the other side. How do I know that? Because His Word says!
It’s the gospel! From death comes life--The Resurrection! God brings order out of chaos. He makes all things new. And this can happen for you! Divorce is the death of a dream. And in that, a part of you dies too. But it doesn’t end there!
New life comes! Spring comes and flowers bloom. You laugh again. You smile again. You will be changed if you allow God to use your divorce to reveal Himself and His character. The more you see God in the midst of it, the more you will be transformed. The more you are transformed, the clearer your story will become. The clearer your story becomes, the more you will share it with others!
If you would like to gain clarity on your story and purpose, download the FREE Purpose Planner
Join the Facebook Savvy Gals Community Group
Follow the Simple Savvy Life with Kerry Facebook Page