WHO I AM
Every once and awhile I wrestle with this question...who is Kerry?
What I'm really wrestling with when that question pops in my mind is...do I have any value? Do I have anything to offer? Do I have any real significance?
You see, I get sucked into the same trap most of you do while scrolling through social media. I can tend to start feeling smaller and smaller.
It reminds me of when I was in High School and ran Cross Country. I was so excited because I finally found a sport where I could blend in. Two hundred or so girls running in a one big heat. I got this. I may not be the first girl to cross the finish line but at least I won't be the last.
I'll never forget that first race. The start horn went off and legs were pumping. I was doing good. I was near the front for like a hot second. And then one by one the runners were moving in on me. My heart started racing fast. I was trying so hard to keep my breathing rhythm stable but my anxiety got the best of me. The harder I tried to move up, the more runners passed me...like eat my dust, bye Felicia! My heart rate would sky rocket and my breathing would suffocate me until I finally made it across the finish line. I was like #188 out of 200. Maybe even #198. It was horrible. Not even average. BELOW AVERAGE!
And that is the message I heard that day..."You are BELOW AVERAGE!"
I felt like everyone was better than me.
I went through years and years believing this lie. And several other life circumstances seemed to compound this feeling of insignificance. No matter how hard I tried I was still BELOW AVERAGE. There just didn't seem to be anything super special about me.
And even today I get bombarded with lies. Some days I just feel "less than." Whether it is being a wife, mom, friend, mentor, writer, blogger, homemaker, etc., Satan loves to bring up those feelings of insignificance and remind me of those Cross Country days.
So I have to guard myself with truth...
"Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all my days were written in Your book and planned before a single one of them began." --Psalm 139:16
And this sweet truth..
The glory which You have given Me I have given to them, that they may be one, just as We are one; I in them and You in Me, that they may be perfected in unity, so that the world may know that You sent Me, and loved them, even as You have loved Me. Father, I desire that they also, whom You have given Me, be with Me where I am, so that they may see My glory which You have given Me, for You loved Me before the foundation of the world. --John 17:22-24
And finally this verse...
From one man he created all the nations throughout the whole earth. He decided beforehand when they should rise and fall, and he determined their boundaries.
His purpose was for the nations to seek after God and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him—though he is not far from any one of us. For in him we live and move and exist. As some of your own poets have said, ‘We are his offspring.’ --Acts 17:26-27
So what does all this mean?!...
God had His affection set on me before the foundation of the earth.
I am not just happenstance. I am not an accident. He saw me when I was formless (before conception). One version even says He saw my unformed substance. And if he loved me even as he loves His son, then HE LOVED ME BEFORE THE FOUNDATION OF THE WORLD. He saw my unformed substance before He even clothed us with skin and flesh, and wove us together with bones and tendons [Job 10:11]. He loved us just as He loved Christ! God had His affection set on me before the foundation of the world.
Let that sink in and take root in your own life.
I am uniquely created and uniquely gifted.
The truth is I was not created to run cross country. I am not a runner. I probably will never be a runner. Although I like to run/jog at my own pace, I have other gifts and talents that the Lord has given me. I love writing, blogging, discipling women, teaching the Bible...etc... God created me very specifically that is in keeping with His mission. And same for you my friend.
What might that look like in your life?
The boundaries and designated time of my life was set by God before one of them began and according to God's good purpose. The place I grew up (Texas), the place I live now (Tennessee), all the circumstances I have gone through (the good and bad), the people in my life (family and friends)...are all part of God's sovereign design. He had set the boundaries of my life for His good purpose.
I am a Child of the King.
There is nothing more exuberant than this fact right here. And when I lost both of my earthly parents, this became even more signifiant to me. I don't know if you ever felt lonely. No matter what circumstances you have been through or the people you have lost along the way, YOU ARE A CHILD OF THE KING! And the glory which God has given to Christ, Christ has given to us so that we may have this wonderful relationship with God...a Father Daughter/Son kind of relationship. Oh, how I could go on and on about this truth and the implications of it. It is good stuff. Bask in it!
My message to you sweet friend is...YOU ARE ABOVE AVERAGE! Don't let the comparison trap get you down. The truth is, we are not perfect at everything. But we can know that we are uniquely created and placed for mission by God!
And never forget that you were esteemed highly BEFORE THE FOUNDATION OF THE WORLD!! Embrace who you are and live in light of these truths! Fight the lies with truth!
